Work had finally ended, it was about time. I stepped outside and took a deep breath, the cool air bringing brief refreshment to my weary mind and body. I walked up the hill aimlessly then gathering purpose I turned toward the meadow. I needed to walk, think, and pray. The disappointment and frustration of the last couple weeks weighed down on me. As I neared the meadow questions pressed upon my heart, What do I really want from life anyway? Do I want to spend another 5 years doing what I’m doing, working where I’m working? Is this what God wants me to do? Discontent had been mounting at work. Not that I don’t like what I’m doing. I’m the type of person who is perfectly fine with answering phones or copying pages. But is this what God wants me to do for the rest of my life? I’m not a big dreamer. I’m not super ambitious. I’m a committed person. If there’s a project I’ve set my heart on that will take years to accomplish, I’ll do it. But I’m not the kind of person who sits around dreaming up big projects, great undertakings, grand adventures. No, that’s not me. I’m a supporter of other people’s dreams. I’m the grease that helps those dreams run smoother. Now, I have dreamed before, but much simpler dreams....some of them have come true, some are still in the process, and some will probably never become reality.
I'm 30, almost 31 and for the first time in my life, my age scares me. What do I really want from life anyway? My life so far has been fulfilling. I've done many things, I've helped people, day by day I've done my best to further God's work, but is this enough? What's the next step? The Sabbath sermon from the Education seminar has been echoing in my mind...Respectable Conventionality. Are even my simple dreams really at their core falling into the category of "respectable conventionality"? I've given my life to ministry, but is it enough? What if I never change my job, what if I never get married, what if I never move, what if I never go anywhere, what if I am still at the same place doing the same thing for the next 10 years, will this life be fulfilling? Yes, it would, if I can know that's what God wants. I'm not a mover and a shaker. I'm more like the glue that tries to hold things together. But even glue gets old and hardens over time if it isn't used for it's purpose. With these thoughts weighing upon my heart on that "spring-like" evening, I finally reached the meadow as the sun was setting. Sitting on the bench I stared up at the sky. The simplicity of the display thrilled my heart. Pink, orange, blue, gray, white, yellow stretched overhead, not in absolute grander, but in delicate modest patterns. To me it was beautiful. I’ve always loved watching the sky. I sat there for a while, noticing the colors change and spread. And as I watched I prayed. What’s next Lord? What do You want with my life? I only want Your will. Replace my simple dreams with Yours. Help me to know what You want from my life. Show me what's next. As darkness started to descend I still didn't know the answer to all those troubling thoughts, but I knew that no matter what, I had an All-Wise Heavenly Father in my life and He would help me through every disappointment, in time He would answer my every question.
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SolominaEverything in life has meaning. There's a lesson in every object, every situation, every process. I want to go deeper, in a higher way. I want to listen, to understand, to know. Archives
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