Kneeling beside your bed I look long and hard. You have finally fallen asleep. I watch as your breath comes in waves--sometimes like gentle ripples upon the sand, sometimes like mighty crashes that startle you awake. Who is this man before me--so intelligent, thoughtful, kind, and loving; yet whose mind is his own worst enemy? This man who has known me since birth, who held me as a child, who told me the same stories over and over again, who walked with me through the deepest pain I have ever known, who didn't always agree with my choices but who loved me anyway? This man, who I don't know so well yet who I am so much alike?
I kneel beside him, studying his features. My hand slips into his. It feels like it belongs there. He sleeps. It's the only time he has peace of mind. But one day it will all be over and he will finally be at rest. I linger by his bed. These precious moments are numbered. And then its over. He's gone, headed back to the big city. I see a yellow notepad, it makes me shake my head. He has hundreds of yellow note paper. I reach for my computer cable and begin to remove the rubber band, I smile. He has hundreds of rubber bands. There's so much about this man I love, yet so much that makes me sad. I hate how sin has captured his mind and keeps him in a constant state of high or low. Will it ever end? Now I wait. Wait for the phone call that he fell asleep at the wheel for the last time; that he overdosed; that he chewed someone out once too many. Waiting is never easy--the unknown that always accompanies it brings a measure of dread. "I just want him to have peace of mind," my brother said. Oh yes, that is what I long for too.
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SolominaEverything in life has meaning. There's a lesson in every object, every situation, every process. I want to go deeper, in a higher way. I want to listen, to understand, to know. Archives
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